having a crush should be #1 in 1000 ways to die


tumblr ruined my life but made it better somehow


are u in love with me? no?? *slides u a chocolate pudding* how about now?


i would take naps in forests every day if bugs didnt exist 


i did a push up why am i still fat


Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.


1. Your skin may never be perfect, and that’s okay.

2. Life is too short not to have the underwear, the coffee, and the haircut you want.

3. Everyone (including your family, your coworkers, and your best friend) will talk about you behind your back, and you’ll talk about them too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.

4. It’s okay to spend money on things that make you happy.

5. Sometimes without fault or reason, relationships deteriorate. It will happen when you’re six, it will happen when you’re sixty. That’s life.

- Five things I am trying very hard to accept (via herzmasochismus)


"what will your kids think of that tattoo?"
my kids aren’t going to give 2 shits because i’m not going to raise them to be a judgmental asshole like yours did


no one actually masturbates it’s just a running joke and if you do you’re sick